Dear Wife,
I’m writing
you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man
to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have
been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that
was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a
new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of
silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching
all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or
anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me
or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your
EX-Husband
P.S. don’t
try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Dear
Ex-Husband
Nothing
has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have
been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve
been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining
& griping Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut
last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice,
I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me
confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those
new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still
on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed
$50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we
could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my
job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone..
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life
you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t
get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I
don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope
that’s not a problem.
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