With all apologies to blondes

A blonde &  her husband are lying in bed

listening to the next door  neighbor's dog..

It has been in the backyard barking for hours  & hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,

"I've  had enough of this".

She goes downstairs. 

The blonde  finally comes back up to bed

and her husband says, "The dog is  still barking,

what have you been doing?" 

The blonde  says,

"I put the dog in our backyard,

let's see how THEY  like it!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lynn & Judy were  doing some carpenter work

on a Habitat for Humanity House.  

Lynn was nailing down house siding, 

would reach into her nail

pouch, pull out a nail &  either toss it

over her shoulder or nail it in. 

Judy,  figuring this was worth looking into, asked, '

Why are you  throwing those nails away?'

Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail  out of my pouch,

about half of them have the head on the wrong  end

& I throw them away.'

Judy got completely upset  & yelled,

'You moron! Those nails aren't defective! 

They're for the other side of the house!  

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

Did you hear  about the two blondes

who froze to death in a drive-in movie?  

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.' 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You might have to think twice  about this one. 

A blonde  hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip

of  her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency 

room doctor asked her. 

'Well, I was trying to commit  suicide,' the blonde replied. 

'What?' sputtered the doctor.  'You tried to commit suicide by shooting

off your finger?' 

'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my  chest, &

then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these  implants... 

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'  

'So then?' asked the doctor. 

'Then I put the gun in  my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000..00

to get my  teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.' 

'So then?' 

'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I  thought: 'This is going to make a

loud noise. So I put my finger  in my other ear before I pulled the

trigger. 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was  driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad 

hailstorm.. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she  took it

To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a  blonde, so he

decided to have some fun... He told her to go home  and blow into the

tail pipe really hard, & all the dents  would pop out. 

So, the blonde went home, got down on her  hands & knees & started

blowing into her tailpipe..  Nothing happened.. So she blew a little

harder, & still  nothing happened. 

Her blonde roommate saw her & asked,  'What are you doing?' The first

blonde told her how the  repairman had instructed her to blow into the

tail pipe in order  to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes  & said, 'Uh, like hello!

You need to roll up the windows  first.' 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 

These are just too cute not to  pass on!!!!  

A blonde was shopping at Target &

came across a shiny  silver thermos.

She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it  up & took

it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The  clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....

It keeps hot things  hot,  And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde,  'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!'

So she bought the  thermos & took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it  on her desk.

'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a  thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things

cold,'  she replied.. 

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?' 

The blond replied......

'Two popsicles & some  coffee.'

+++++++++++++ 

AND LAST BUT NOT  LEAST 

A  blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. 

Her  boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' 

The blonde  replies,

'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that 

my mother had passed away.' 

The boss, feeling sorry for  her, says,

'Why don't you go home for the

day? Take the day  off to relax & rest.' 

'Thanks, but I'd be better off  here.

I need to keep my mind off it &

I have the best  chance of doing that here.' 

The boss agrees & allows the  blonde to work as usual.

A couple of hours pass & the boss  decides to check on the blonde.

He looks out from his office  & sees the blonde crying hysterically... 

'What's so bad  now? Are you going to be okay?' he asks. 

'No!' exclaims the  blonde.

'I just received a horrible call from my

sister. Her  mother died, too!'