20 Things A Mom Should Tell Her Son

1. Play a sport.

It will teach you how to win honorably,

lose gracefully, respect authority,

work with others, manage your time

and stay out of trouble.

And maybe even throw or catch.

2. You will set the tone

for the sexual relationship,

so don't take something away from her

that you can't give back.

3. Use careful aim when you pee.

Somebody's got to clean that up, you know.

4. Save money when you're young

because you're going to need it someday.

5. Allow me to introduce you

to the dishwasher, oven,

washing machine, iron,

vacuum, mop and broom.

Now please go use them.

6. Pray and be a spiritual leader.

7. Don't ever be a bully

and don't ever start a fight,

but if some idiot clocks you,

please defend yourself.

8. Your knowledge and education is something

that nobody can take away from you.

9. Treat women kindly.

Forever is a long time to live alone

and it's even longer to live with somebody

who hates your guts.

10. Take pride in your appearance.

11. Be strong and tender at the same time.

12. A woman can do everything that you can do.

This includes her having a successful career

and you changing diapers at 3 A.M.

Mutual respect is the key to a good relationship.

13. "Yes ma'am" and "yes sir"

still go a long way.

14. The reason that they're called "private parts"

is because they're "private".

Please do not scratch them in public.

15. Peer pressure is a scary thing.

Be a good leader and others will follow.

16. Bringing her flowers for no reason

is always a good idea.

17. It is better to be kind

than to be right.

18. A sense of humor

goes a long way

in the healing process.

19. Please choose your spouse wisely.

My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me

spending time with you and my grandchildren.

20. Remember to call your mother

because I might be missing you.