Breaking
News from Eye of the Tiber:
En route
to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he was
ready to “punch” anyone who insults his mother, showing that there are limits
to freedom of expression.
“We have a duty to speak openly. To have this freedom, but
without offending. It’s true that you cannot react with violence, but if my
aide Doctor Gasbarri, who is a friend, badmouths my mother, a punch would be
coming for him,”
After
Piers Morgan and other pansies reacted hysterically to this joke, the Pope has
issued a retraction and a clarification:
“Hold
on…let me take that back. I would not punch him in the face. At least not at
first. First, I would kick him in the nuts. Then a knee in the face would be coming for
him. After this, I would have many options. I could put him in a headlock, a
figure-four leg lock, a vice grip, the Colossal Clutch, the Turantual, the
Boston Crab…any of these maneuvers would help to rectify the wrong said about
my mother.”
Pope Francis expanded his remarks by begging
those who don’t believe him to “try” him if they did not believe him, saying,
“try me…say one thing, I beg you…pleeeeaase say something!”
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