Beer and Wheels

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast
and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the
invention of the wheel.

Beer required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. The glass bottle and
aluminum can were not invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around
waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.

These two were the foundation of modern civilization and, together, were the catalyst
for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:  (1) Conservatives and (2) Liberals.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbecue at night while
they were drinking beer.  This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative
movement.

Other men, who were less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the Conservatives by
showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair-dressing. 
This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these Liberal men evolved into women.  Others became known as girlie-men. 
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention
of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to
divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful
land animal on earth, the elephant.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious
reasons.

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported
bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French
food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note:  many Liberal
women have higher testosterone levels than their men.

Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers
in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals.  Liberals meddled
in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule, because it wasn't fair to
make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers,
firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes,
members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. 
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to
do with the production.  Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.
That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were going to
America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to
get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. 

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history
that it will be shared immediately with other true believers and to just piss off more Liberals...

And there you have it.  Let your next action reveal your true self. 
I'm going to have another beer.