An Arkansas Boy goes off to college

Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his
money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will
teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll
get him in the course."

So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way
through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to
teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to
buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a
problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can
neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to
lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him
think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up
with a plan for him. So she has him shoot the dog. When he arrives
home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just
before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked
back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually
does".    "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the
street?"

The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn
dog before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"  "That's my boy!"    The kid married his
girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville , he
became Governor of Arkansas and then President of the United States,
and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to
be!

Unlocking your car with your brain

Clever!   Try this the next time you go shopping . . .

https://www.youtube.com/embed/0Uqf71muwWc

 

To my smarter friends

I AM ONLY SENDING THIS TO MY FRIENDS WITH SHARP MINDS !!

1. Johnny's mother had three children.  The first child was named April.  The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name? 

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?

8. What was the President's name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say:  "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

ANSWERS BELOW...

Here are the Answers:

1. Johnny's mother had three children.  The first child was named April.  The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?

Answer:  Johnny, of course!

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop.  He is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?

Answer:  Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer:  There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer:  Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd.  Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer:  Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer:  One.  If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.

Forebears

Interesting genealogy website:  http://forebears.io/

Whiskey Warm @ Riverside Plaza in Estes Park, Colorado

MacGregor Avenue

Walking MacGregor Ranch Trail in Estes Park, Colorado

MacGregor Ranch Trail in Rocky Mountain National Park (RMNP)

New Immigration Laws

*New Immigration Laws*

Be sure to read to the bottom or you will miss the message...

1. There will be no special bilingual programs in the schools.

2. All ballots will be in this nation's language.

3. All government business will be conducted in our language.

4. Non-residents will NOT have the right to vote no matter how long they are here.

5. Non-citizens will NEVER be able to hold political office.

6. Foreigners will not be a burden to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, or any other government assistance programs. Any who are a burden will be deported.

7. Foreigners can invest in this country, but it must be an amount at least equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.

8. If foreigners come here and buy land, their options will be restricted. Certain parcels including waterfront property are reserved for citizens naturally born into this country.

9. Foreigners may have NO protests; NO demonstrations, NO waving of a foreign flag, no political organizing, NO bad-mouthing our president or his policies. These will lead to deportation.

10.. If you do come to this country illegally, you will be actively hunted and, when caught, sent to jail until your deportation can be arranged. All assets will be taken from you.

Too strict.?  The above laws are the current immigration laws of MEXICO !  If it's good for Americans to obey Mexican laws, then it's good vice versa.!!!

This will take less than thirty seconds to read. If you agree, please pass it on. An idea whose time has come: Somehow, that doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. The self-serving must stop. This is a good way to do that. It is an idea whose time has come. Have each person contact a minimum of twenty people on their address list, in turn ask each of those to do likewise.

In three days, most people in The United States of America will have read the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around.

You are one of my 20.  If you don't have twenty, pass it on to whatever number you can!

"The problems we face today exist because the people who work for a living are outnumbered by those who vote for a living.