Dearest Redneck Son,
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper
that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't
be able to send you the address because the last Forest County family that
lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to
change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a
washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled
the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained
twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four
days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your
Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons
on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.
We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father
out.
Your sister had a baby this morning, but I
haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.
Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last
week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had
him cremated, he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup
truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your
other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the
tailgate down!
There isn't much more news at this time.
Nothing much out of the normal has happened.
Your Favorite Aunt,
Momma
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