Saturday, March 26, 2016

Can't Get This Song Out Of My Head

Play this haunting song while reading this sad story: 

You sit at the restaurant with your young son.  He says he is hungry. You agree to get him dinner.
You open up the kids’ menu; your child is far too young for adult food. Chicken nuggets stare at you from the page.
You don’t understand. Your palms get sweaty and your son complains. He says he is hungry.
Your mind strains, searching for an answer in a world of sweet potatoes and French fries.
You try to order the chicken nuggets, but you cannot. The words cannot escape your lips.
Your son is hungry, he complains.
The waitress stares at you, her head a spinning chicken nugget, her arms swinging French fries.
Your son cries the tears of a chicken nugget-less child.
In your mind you scream.
It is raining sweet potatoes now, but you have French fries engraved on your left temple and you do not understand.
Your son weeps in the corner, he is starving. Starving for the chicken nuggets.
And all the while, you hear this song playing in the background of your mind!
The horror!   The horror!

You may also hear this haunting song when:
            You are in a funeral home.
            You are watching the movie “Platoon.”
            You are eating cereal and run out of milk.
            You sit on the throne and find that you are out of toilet paper.
            You find yourself as the sole survivor after nuclear Armageddon.
            Your girlfriend dumps you.
            You want to fall asleep.          

Now, listen to this version:




Then and Now

Here is something that happened in NYC in 1956 that you would never see today in this secular age . . .





We Were Awesome

It was a great time to live, this will make your day. It might just bring back a few memories.

I Absolutely "AGREE" It also gave most of us CONFIDENCE in ourselves and most went on to enjoy a profession we LIKED Or Became Entrepreneurs  or did Very Well at any JOB we decided to take ...
"IT WAS WONDERFUL" 
   
Oh, this is all so true!!

No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us,  WE WERE AWESOME !!!  OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF !!!
   
To Those of Us Born
1925 - 1970 :
  
At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don't read anything else, please
read what he said.
  
Very well stated, Mr. Leno.
~~~~~~~~~
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE
1930s, '40s, '50s, '60s and '70s!!
  
First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank
while they were pregnant.
  
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
  
Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered
with bright colored
lead-based paints.
  
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets,
and, when we rode our bikes,
we had baseball caps,
not helmets, on our heads.
  
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes..

Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
  
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight. WHY?
  
Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day.
--And, we were OKAY.

We would spend hours building
our go-carts out of scraps
and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem..
  
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendos and X-boxes. There were
no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no
surround-sound or CDs,
no cell phones, n o personal computers,
no Internet and no chat rooms.
  
WE HAD FRIENDS
and we went outside and found them!
  
We fell out of trees, got cut,
broke bones and teeth,
and there were no lawsuits
from those accidents.

We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches,
ping-pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call child services to report abuse.

We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.
  
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and -although we were told it would happen- we did not put out very many eyes.
  
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them.
  
Little League had tryouts
and not everyone made the team.
Those who didn't had to learn
to deal with disappointment.
Imagine that!!
  
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
  
These generations have produced some of the best
risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever.
  
The past 50 to 85 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas..
  
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
  
If YOU are one of those born
between 1925-1970, CONGRATULATIONS!
  
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good.
  
While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
  
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it ?
~~~~~~~
The quote of the month
by
Jay Leno:
  
"With hurricanes, tornadoes , fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"

For those that prefer to think that God is not watching over us...go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us.....pass this on.



Anger Management

When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know,
but you know deserves it.
      
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
     
I found the number and dialed it.
    
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
     
I politely said, 'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
     
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f***ing number!'
And the phone was slammed down on me.
      
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
    
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number
 to call her,
I found that I had accidentally transposed
 the last two digits.
     
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
     
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!'
And hung up.
     
I wrote his number down
 with the word 'asshole' next to it,
And put it in my desk drawer.
      
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an asshole!'
    
It always cheered me up.
     
When Caller ID was introduced,
I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop.
     
So, I called his number and said,
'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our
 Caller ID Program?'
        
He yelled 'NO!'
And slammed down the phone.
     
I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung up.
    
One day I was at the store,
getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
    
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot
I had patiently waited for.
     
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot,
but the idiot ignored me.
     
I noticed a 'For Sale' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
     
A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole
(I had his number on speed dial)
I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
    
I said,
'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
      
He said, 'Yes, it is.'
     
I then asked,
'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
    
He said,
'Yes, I live at  34 Oaktree Blvd. , in  Fairfax  
It's a yellow ranch style house And the car's parked right out in front.'
     
I asked,
'What's your name?'
    
He said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
        
I asked,
'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
     
He said,
'I'm home every evening after five.'
    
I said,
'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
    
He said,
'Yes?'
     
I said,
'Don, you're an asshole!'
     
Then I hung up,
and added his number to my speed dial, too.
      
Now, when I had a problem,
I had two assholes to call.
    
Then I came up with an idea ....
     
I called asshole #1.
     
He said,
'Hello'
    
I said,
'You're an asshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
    
He asked,
'Are you still there?'
      
I said,
'Yeah!'
     
He screamed,
'Stop calling me'
     
I said,
'Make me.'
      
He asked,
'Who are you?'
    
I said,
'My name is Don Hansen.'
   
He said,
'Yeah? Where do you live?'
      
I said,
'Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd., in Fairfax,
a yellow ranch style home and
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
      
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
      
I said,
'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole,'
and hung up.
    
Then I called Asshole #2.
     
He said,
'Hello?'
     
I said,
'Hello, asshole,'
     
He yelled,
'If I ever find out who you are ....'
     
I said,
'You'll what?'
     
He exclaimed,
'I'll kick your ass'
     
I answered,
'Well, asshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
    
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I was on my way over to 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, to kill my gay lover.
      
Then I called Channel 7 News
about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in Fairfax.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax.
    
I got there just in time to watch two assholes
beating the crap out of each other
in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter
and surrounded by a news crew.
      
NOW, I feel much better!
    
I guess that anger management really does work.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Angels Explained By Children

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold.
–Gregory, age 5

Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.
–Olive, age 9

It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there’s still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
–Matthew, age 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.
–Mitchell, age 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for science.
–Henry, age 8

Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!!
–Jack, age 6

Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.
–Daniel, age 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath again, somewhere there’s a tornado.
–Reagan, age 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter.
–Sara, age 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very good carpenter.
–Jared, age 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t go for it.
–Antonio, age 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
–Ashley, age 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.
— Vicki, age 8

What I don’t get about angels is, why when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.
–Sarah, age 7


Irish Reels

Beautiful scenery. . .

Céilidh Music~Irish Reels~The Mulvey Miller Céilidh Band


The term is derived from the Old Irish céle (singular) meaning "companion". It later became céilidhe and céilidh.
Céilidhs facilitated courting and prospects of marriage for young people and, although discos and nightclubs have displaced céilidhs to a considerable extent, they are still an important and popular social outlet in rural parts of Ireland and Scotland, especially in the Gaelic-speaking regions. Céilidhs are sometimes held on a smaller scale in private or public houses, for example in remote rural hinterlands and during busy festivals.

Dancing at céilidhs is usually in the form of céilidh dances, set dances or couple dances. A "Set" consists of six to eight couples, with each pair of couples facing another in a square or rectangular formation. Each couple exchanges position with the facing couple, and also facing couples exchange partners, while all the time keeping in step with the beat of the music.

The Neolithic, or 'New Stone Age' saw massive changes occur across north-western Europe. The introduction of agriculture led to an end of the hunter-gatherer lifestyle which had dominated in the preceding Palaeolithic ('Old Stone Age') and Mesolithic ('Middle Stone Age') periods.
The Early Neolithic in Brittany and the British Isles had seen the rise and fall of a megalithic tradition of building chambered tombs in which to house the dead. The chambered tomb tradition lasted between circa 4000 and 3500 BCE, although an earlier example, at Carrowmore in County Sligo, has been disputably dated to 5000 BC.

©2016 blue dot music
All Worldwide Rights Reserved.
http://www.bluedotmusic.net.
Video created for blue dot music by Robert Nichol/Allcast
http://www.allcast.co.uk

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Thursday, March 17, 2016

St. Patrick's Breastplate

I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
of the Creator of creation.
I arise today
Through the strength of Christ's birth with His baptism,
Through the strength of His crucifixion with His burial,
Through the strength of His resurrection with His ascension,
Through the strength of His descent for the judgment of doom.
I arise today
Through the strength of the love of cherubim,
In the obedience of angels,
In the service of archangels,
In the hope of resurrection to meet with reward,
In the prayers of patriarchs,
In the predictions of prophets,
In the preaching of apostles,
In the faith of confessors,
In the innocence of holy virgins,
In the deeds of righteous men.
I arise today, through
The strength of heaven,
The light of the sun,
The radiance of the moon,
The splendor of fire,
The speed of lightning,
The swiftness of wind,
The depth of the sea,
The stability of the earth,
The firmness of rock.
I arise today, through
God's strength to pilot me,
God's might to uphold me,
God's wisdom to guide me,
God's eye to look before me,
God's ear to hear me,
God's word to speak for me,
God's hand to guard me,
God's shield to protect me,
God's host to save me
From snares of devils,
From temptation of vices,
From everyone who shall wish me ill,
afar and near.
I summon today
All these powers between me and those evils,
Against every cruel and merciless power
that may oppose my body and soul,
Against incantations of false prophets,
Against black laws of pagandom,
Against false laws of heretics,
Against craft of idolatry,
Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,
Against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul;
Christ to shield me today
Against poison, against burning,
Against drowning, against wounding,
So that there may come to me an abundance of reward.
Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I sit down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of me,
Christ in every eye that sees me,
Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today
Through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity,
Through belief in the Threeness,
Through confession of the Oneness
of the Creator of creation.
Amen.

The Deer's Cry

The Deer’s Cry is an older version of St. Patrick’s Breastplate, and it is a good prayer to start your day. 

The Deer's Cry
arise today, through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, through belief in the threeness, through confession of the oneness, of the Creator of Creation.
arise today, through the strength of Christ's birth with his baptism, through the strength of his crucifixion with his burial, through the strength of his resurrection with his ascension, through the strength of his descent for the judgment of Doom.
I arise today, through the strength of the love of the Cherubim, in obedience of angels, in the service of archangels, in the hope of the resurrection to meet with reward, in the prayers of patriarchs, in prediction of prophets, in preaching of apostles, in faith of confessors, in innocence of holy virgins, in deeds of righteous men.
I arise today, through the strength of heaven; light of sun, radiance of moon, splendor of fire, speed of lightning, swiftness of wind, depth of sea, stability of earth, firmness of rock.
I arise today, through God's strength to pilot me: God's might to uphold me, God's wisdom to guide me, God's eye to look before me, God's ear to hear me, God's word to speak to me, God's hand to guard me, God's way to lie before me, God's shield to protect me, God's host to save me, from the snares of devils, from temptations of vices, from everyone who shall wish me ill, afar and anear, alone and in a multitude.
summon today, all these powers between me and those evils, against every cruel merciless power that may oppose my body and soul, against incantations of false prophets, against black laws of pagandom, against false laws of heretics, against craft of idolatry, against spells of women and smiths and wizards, against every knowledge that corrupts man's body and soul.
Christ to shield me today, against poisoning, against burning, against drowning, against wounding, so there come to me abundance of reward. Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me, Christ in me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ on my right, Christ on my left, Christ when I lie down, Christ when I sit down, Christ when I arise, Christ in the heart of every man who thinks of me, Christ in the mouth of every one who speaks of me, Christ in the eye of every one that sees me, Christ in every ear that hears me.
I arise today, through a mighty strength, the invocation of the Trinity, through belief in the threeness, through confession of the oneness, of the Creator of Creation.
This item 139 digitally provided courtesy of CatholicCulture.org



Monday, March 14, 2016

An Arkansas Boy goes off to college

Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his
money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is
developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will
teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole' Blue in that program?"
"Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll
get him in the course."

So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way
through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't
believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to
teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to
buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a
problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can
neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to
lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him
think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up
with a plan for him. So she has him shoot the dog. When he arrives
home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.

"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just
before we left to drive home, Ole' Blue was in the living room, kicked
back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually
does".    "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy
still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the
street?"

The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn
dog before he talks to your Mother!"


"I sure did, Dad!"  "That's my boy!"    The kid married his
girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville , he
became Governor of Arkansas and then President of the United States,
and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to
be!

Unlocking your car with your brain

Clever!   Try this the next time you go shopping . . .



 

To my smarter friends

I AM ONLY SENDING THIS TO MY FRIENDS WITH SHARP MINDS !!


1. Johnny's mother had three children.  The first child was named April.  The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name? 

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered...what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language ...is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?

8. What was the President's name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

10. Which is correct to say:  "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?


ANSWERS BELOW...




Here are the Answers:

1. Johnny's mother had three children.  The first child was named April.  The second child was named May.  What was the third child's name?
Answer:  Johnny, of course!

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop.  He is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers.  What does he weigh?
Answer:  Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?
Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?
Answer:  There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?
Answer:  Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer.  How is this possible?
Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere.

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg.  Why not?
Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?
Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ...]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd.  Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?
Answer:  Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?
Answer:  One.  If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



You have received this e-mail because I didn't want to be alone in the idiot category.



Forebears

Interesting genealogy website:  http://forebears.io/